dimanche 23 juin 2024

I wanted to get away

Youtubeur au 1.5millions d'abonnés, franc-comtois, né en 2002, feldup (prononcé "à la française") ne correspond pas au portait robot de l'artiste que je pourrais écouter. Pourtant... il figure en très bonne position (5ème) de mon bilan 2023, et j'attends avec impatience son concert parisien à la rentrée.

Impeccable musicalement, son album, entièrement dédié à une relation d'emprise passée, revêt une charge émotionnelle telle que, en tant qu'auditeur, il m'est cependant difficile de profiter pleinement et sans scrupule de tous les mini- et maxitubes qu'il contient (10 morceaux sur 11)
 

It started in 2019
People were starting to notice
That this 16-year-old kid
Was making videos and music
I think it was in January
When everything was silent
That she appeared slowly
Inside social media comments,
“Hey, I really like your stuff”
She typed one day
“I genuinely think you’re worth”
It felt nice back then, so it started

Saying the same sentence again
And again and again
Until it becomes a joke
A joke I never really cared for
Every word I said
To her was said the right way
Every song I made
Was better than the rest
She felt smart and calm
Yet she made silly jokes
She felt introverted
Yet she talked the most
She felt nice and strong
Yet she said she was fragile
She felt nice and young
Yet she was 32 years old

She infiltrated every corner of my online space
Made herself look unavoidable
She had plastered her voice and her face
As a wallpaper for my Internet existence
She made videos about me
She made drawings about me
She made music about me
She only talked about me

Fast forward a few months, she’s now considered a friend
She’s known as the nicest person on the planet
Everyone saw her as a nice aunt who likes cat gifs
Astrology and Facebook motivational quotes,
“I’m so impressed by you, Felix
You are so gifted”
It’s something she said
Way too frequently

She wanted attention
I wanted attention
She wanted attention
I craved attention

I liked her
As a friend
I liked her
As a fan

Doing anything to get to me
Like a child pulling my sleeve
In hindsight, the thing she wanted
Was pretty clear

[...]

Feldup, Stared at from a Distance
Stared at from a Distance (2024)

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